עשן לבן, מ×ת תמר צורן, הוצ×ת ×סיה
ד"ר ×“× ×™×ל בוקובזה, בסקירתו לספר "עשן לבן" (מוסף ספרי×, ×”×רץ, 5.6.2013), מתייחס לקושי לתמלל ×ת ×”×›×ב ו×ת הדיכ×ון. כפסיכולוג, ×”×•× ×ž×¦×‘×™×¢ על ×”×פשרות לגעת בכ×ב בכל ×–×ת, ×œ× ×‘×מצעות תי×ור מילולי ישיר, ××œ× ×“×¨×š פעילות ×¤×¨×©× ×™×ª של ×¡×™×ž× ×™×, דרך הקשבה ×œ×“×‘×¨×™× ×”× ××ž×¨×™× ×•×מפתיה. כמי שעוסקת בספרות חשבתי ×›×™ בדומה ל×ופן שבו קשה לתמלל ×ת ×”×›×ב, כך קשה לתמלל ולהסביר מהי ××ž× ×•×ª, מה הופך יצירה כלשהי ליצירת ××ž× ×•×ª.
הסיבה לכך × ×•×‘×¢×ª ×›× ×¨××” מכך ש××ž× ×•×ª, כמו ×›×ב, ×”×™× ×ž×©×”×• שמרגישי×, ×”×™× ×œ× ×ž×©×”×• שחושבי×. ב×ופן ×ישי, כקור×ת, ×× ×™ מחפשת תמיד ×ת ×ותן יצירות ××ž× ×•×ª בספרות, ולרוב ×× ×™ ×œ× ×ž×¡×ª×¤×§×ª במה ×©×”×•× ×‘×¢×™× ×™ פחות מכך. כשהגיע הספר "עשן לבן" פתחתי ×ותו בחשש, פחדתי שלמרות ×”× ×•×©× ×©×¨×™×ª×§ ×ותי, ×ת×כזב מהכתיבה, ממעשה ×”××ž× ×•×ª עצמו. ××œ× ×©×‘×ž×”×¨×” התגלה לי ×›×™ תמר צורן, שזה ספרה הר×שון, ××™× ×” מ×כזבת, להפך – ×”×™× ×ž×¤×¢×™×ž×”; ×”×‘× ×ª×™ ×›×™ ספר ×–×” ××™× ×• "רק" ספר על מחלת הדיכ×ון, ××œ× ×”×•× ×§×•×“× ×›×œ יצירת ××ž× ×•×ª ספרותית. התגלה לי ×›×™ × ×•×©× ×”×¡×¤×¨ – הקושי לדבר, השתיקה, הצורך לשמור ×‘×¤× ×™× â€“ × ×•×›×— ×’× ×‘×›×ª×™×‘×” עצמה. כתיבתה של צורן מדודה מ×וד, זהירה, כל משפט × ×©×§×œ היטב, כל מילה ×˜×¢×•× ×”, המתח בין מה ×©× ×מר לבין מה שעל ×ודותיו בוחרת המחברת לשתוק כמו × ×©×ž×¨ כל הזמן. ××œ× ×©×‘×ופן פרדוקסלי, הכתיבה המדודה והשקולה ×”×–×ת, מצליחה ×’× ×œ×¡×—×•×£, ×•×”×¤×¨×˜×™× ×”×§×˜× ×™× ×•×”×˜×¨×™×•×•×™××œ×™×™× ×©×ž×ª×רת המחברת ×ž×¦×˜×¨×¤×™× ×™×—×“ ×œ×¢×•×œ× ×ž×•×—×©×™, מוכר מצד ×חד, ×ך ×’× ×–×¨ ומוזר מן הצד ×”×חר.
"עשן לבן" ×”×•× ×¡×™×¤×•×¨ ×וטוביוגרפי בבסיסו ×•×”×•× × ×•×©× ×¢×ž×• חידה – ילדות ×œ× ×“×¨×ž×˜×™×ª, ×œ× ×ž×–×¢×–×¢×ª, "×œ× ×©×™××™× ×˜×¨×ומטיי×, ××œ× ×¨×§ ×וסף ×–×™×›×¨×•× ×•×ª ×¤×¢×•×˜×™× ×•×§×˜× ×•× ×™×™×, ×ž×’×•×—×›×™× ×‘×—×•×¡×¨-חשיבות×, גבעות ל×-מרשימות מפוזרות על-×¤× ×™ מישור שטוח, חד-×’×•× ×™ ומשעמ×". מה ×× ×›×Ÿ ×”×‘×™× ×œ×“×™×›×ון, וכיצד קשורה לזה השתיקה? ×”× ×” כך מעידה על עצמה גיבורת הספר:
"×œ× ×™×›×•×œ×ª×™ לחדול מהשתיקה, ×œ× ×™×›×•×œ×ª×™ להפסיק ×ת מצג-השוו×. ×›×™ כשלמדתי לדבר, למדתי בו-×–×ž× ×™×ª לשקר, וכשלמדתי לספר, למדתי להסתיר: בכי צריך ×œ×”×—× ×™×§, עצב – להכחיש, כעס – לשמר ×‘×¤× ×™× ×•×œ×”×§×¤×™×, צער – לרסק ולבלוע, וכל הזמן, בהתמדה ×•×œ×œ× ×”×¨×£, ×’× ×›×©×“×™×‘×¨×ª×™ ×•×’× ×›×©×©×ª×§×ª×™, הייתי צריכה להיזהר ולהשגיח, לטשטש ולהסוות."
השתיקה מתגלה כמפתח לחידה. ××œ× ×©×’× ×ž×¤×ª×— ×–×” ×”×•× ×¤×ª×¨×•×Ÿ חלקי בלבד, שכן מה ×”×‘×™× ×œ×ותה שתיקה מוחלטת? המחברת תמשיך ותחקור, ובדרכה המדודה תפזר כמה ×¨×ž×–×™× â€“ כמה ×–×™×›×¨×•× ×•×ª ילדות ×©×”× ×›×ž×• חרכי הצצה לסוד שמור וגדול. ספרה של תמר צורן, בכתיבתה המדויקת והסוחפת על מחלת הדיכ×ון ועל הטיפול בה ×חת לשבוע, בתוך חדר קטן שבו ×¢×•×¡×§×™× ×©× ×™ ×× ×©×™× ×‘×¨×™×¡×•×§ ×יטי, מרוכז וממושך של מבצר השתיקה – ×”×•× ×¡×¤×¨ × ×“×™×¨, מרגש ו×ופטימי.
×¢× ×ª×•× ×”×§×¨×™××”, דבר ×חד המשיך להטריד ×•×œ× ×§×¨ בר×שי: מדוע בחרה מחברת הספר להשתמש ×‘×©× ×‘×“×•×™? הרי ספרה מת×ר ×ת הדיכ×ון ב×ופן ×× ×•×©×™ כל כך, ×ž× ×˜×¨×œ כל ××œ×ž× ×˜ של בושה ×ו ×שמה, הרי ×”×•× ×ž×¦×™×£ רגשות ×¢×ž×•×§×™× ×©×œ השתתפות בסבלה של הגיבורה כמו ×’× ×”×ª×¨×’×©×•×ª גדולה × ×•×›×— התהליך הטיפולי, × ×•×›×— השיחות בחדר הקטן, והרי מי ×©×™×§×¨× ×ת הספר יחוש רק הערכה כלפי המחברת, כלפי ×ומץ לבה ×•×›×™×©×¨×•× ×”. ×× ×›×Ÿ – מדוע, למרות כל ×לה, חשה המחברת צורך להמשיך ולשתוק ב×שר לשמה ×”×מיתי? הספר מלמד ××•×ª× ×• ×›×™ שתיקה ×”×™× ×ž×’×Ÿ ×ž×¤× ×™ תגובת ×”×¡×•×‘×‘×™× ××•×ª× ×•, ×× × ×©×ª×•×§ ×•× ×¡×ª×ª×¨ ×ין חשש ×©× ×™×¤×’×¢. הצורך ×œ×ž×¦×•× ×”×’× ×” תחת ×©× ×‘×“×•×™, הו×, כך × ×“×ž×” לי, תעודת ×¢× ×™×•×ª לחברה שבה ×× ×• ×—×™×™×, ×צבע מ×שימה כלפי היחס ×©×œ× ×• ×ל מחלת הדיכ×ון, ש×ותה, עדיין, צריך להסתיר.
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